Empowering Teams: Insights from Parenting
In management and leadership, the quest for effective strategies is an ongoing pursuit. There have been numerous techniques which have emerged over the years, but perhaps it’s worth exploring an unconventional source of inspiration: parenting. The skills used in raising children can surprisingly offer valuable insights into managing employees. From fostering a supportive environment to encouraging open communication, there are striking parallels between the two domains. Parenting and leadership are both focused on helping people to grow and develop, whether that be mentally or physically. By harnessing the power of nurturing, guidance, and empathy, great leaders can create an environment that encourages growth, productivity, and overall success for their teams. Fortunately, you don’t need to be a parent yourself to utilise these strategies, as they are universal across the two realms.
My first experience in management was at the tender age of 20 when I became a team leader for a group of 4 individuals; all different ages, work experiences and personalities. I had to learn very quickly that each person required a different management approach in order to get the best out of them, and it was certainly a challenge. Since then, I have had numerous roles with different direct reports to coach and nurture.
In comparison, I didn’t become a parent until my early thirties, and by the time I was 35, I was a mother to two under 3. Determined to be an effective parent, I embarked on an extensive exploration of diverse parenting approaches through consuming copious amounts of media. It was around this time it became apparent to me that there was a definite crossover in the techniques used in both parenting and managing. Indeed, it has been highlighted before by specialists such as Carole Dweck who categorises her techniques for developing a growth mindset into 3 methodologies, in her book Mindset (2006): for managers, for sports coaches, and finally for parents.
Drawing from my personal experiences, I have learned invaluable tools that have proven instrumental in both child-rearing and helping employees to reach their full potential. These techniques offer valuable insights into creating a supportive and growth-oriented environment that fosters the development and success of individuals, whether they are young children or members of a professional workforce.
Take, for example, the idea of prep, which helps young children adapt to change. This method theorises that in preparing a child for any upcoming task or transition between events, you can avoid tantrums and tricky behaviours. In parenting, this could look like setting a timer to count down between activities so there’s no sudden surprises and subsequent meltdowns. Or perhaps it could be reading books and acting out role play for getting vaccinations so the child is prepared for the possible discomfort. In business, ‘prep’ could translate to transparency. It’s important for good leaders to be open and honest with employees. They should commit to share expectations, setbacks and feedback to ensure their workforce feel supported and secure in their workplace. A successful business works best when all employees align on a common vision. This means it’s the responsibility of the leaders to properly communicate the company or department’s overall objectives, and this can only be done by prepping their team using transparency, excellent communication, and trust. This mutual understanding can help to drive success, in the same way that a parent can strive for a supportive and transparent environment by using the same technique.
Another tool I use on a regular basis is empathy. Tantrums are unavoidable when bringing up children (have you heard of the terrible twos? Or perhaps you lived for a year with a threenager?) but by using empathy, I’ve found you can severely reduce the amount of suffering. Toddler’s brains are still under development and so tantrums are simply an expression of big feeling that they can’t regulate. During a tantrum (or ideally in the run-up to it), parents can empathise with the child’s feelings, explaining that they understand they are experiencing them, and giving tools to help them work through to a place of calm. This could be by giving them space, helping them scribble on a piece of paper, or simply giving them a hug. Parents can also help children to identify and vocalise their emotions, by explaining that all feelings are valid. Likewise, empathy is incredibly important in management. Good leaders should practice empathic listening to encourage an environment of trust, understanding and collaboration. In effect, empathic listening is ‘listening with the intent to understand’. This means that the listener might not necessarily agree with the information being conveyed, but the primary focus is more on what they are hearing. When an employee feels that management is seeking to understand them, true trust can begin to form, encouraging the workforce to share their thoughts, concerns and ideas openly. Similarly, in the world of toddlers, feeling heard and understood plays a pivotal role in building confidence and strengthening the parent-child relationship, meaning they are more likely to come to them in times of need. Moreover, both parents and managers can utilise appropriate levels of control to instil a sense of responsibility in their charges. For children this could be age-appropriate control such as picking what colour plate they want for their snacks, or in business this could be giving employees responsibility-appropriate control for a certain task they have authority over.
The final technique is discipline, and this is probably the most misunderstood. People often liken discipline to punishment, but this should not be the case. The word ‘discipline’ is actually defined as “the practice of training people to follow a code of behaviour” (Oxford Dictionary), so we should instead view discipline as the opportunity ‘to teach’. In parenting, there are a huge number of ways to discipline, and parents may choose different methods based on what’s right for their children and their situation. This could look like time-outs or time-ins, age-appropriate limits with consequences, or redirection of behaviour. As with employees, all children have mixed personalities and maturities and therefore different approaches should be used dependent on the individual. In particular, children are ‘sponges’ who absorb information and they learn best by mimicking those around them. That’s why modelling the best behaviour is one of the most effective ways to teach them. Likewise in management, an effective leader should model good behaviours for their employees to mimic. This could be as simple as apologising when they make a mistake, exhibiting a positive attitude, and showing respect to all individuals, whatever their status. Discipline is as critical in management as it is in parenting. It means ensuring workers understand and stick to the rules. Without discipline, anarchy takes over, but the best managers are firm and fair. This means that discipline does not need to be draconian. Gone are the days when physical violence, emotional manipulation, or abusive language were deemed acceptable forms of correction. In fact, we now understand that such techniques can be deeply detrimental to a child's development. The best managers, as well as nurturing parents, adopt a compassionate approach. By setting clear expectations and enforcing consistent consequences, they create a supportive and structured environment. This approach encourages individuals to take responsibility for their actions while understanding the importance of adhering to the established rules.
Reflecting on these strategies, we can recognise there are definitely remarkable parallels between parenting and employee management. This means that good leaders have an opportunity to adopt a fresh perspective to implement effective methodologies that foster growth, collaboration and long-term success within their organisations. Being a better parent has made me be a better manager, and vice versa. But the great news is that realistically, you do not need to be a parent yourself to utilise these strategies; the underlying principles of understanding, support, and clear communication can be embraced by anyone in a managerial role. Also, the goal is not to treat employees as children, but rather to leverage the universal concepts of empathy and support to unlock the full potential of individuals and teams. However, as we continue to explore innovative approaches to leadership, let us not overlook the lessons that parenting can teach us about effectively managing and nurturing our workforce.
